When I finally thought everything was going right, life had a funny way of slapping me in the face. I honestly thought that after the bad luck of someone totaling my car everything was turning around. Finding out I was pregnant was the best thing ever and came at a turning point in my life. Joe and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about our exciting news! It felt like everything was happening just right until our world came crushing down on us.
I had always wanted to be a mother and when Joe and I had discussed our future and what we want and don’t want, children were a must. So when we found ourselves in the emergency room at 11.5 weeks pregnant we were worried. I had started off 3 days earlier with a little bit of spotting I didn’t think it was quite something to worry about. Google reassured me that it could just be due to intimacy I took it at face value, but when the bleeding continued I knew we had to go to the hospital. I had never been so scared before in my life, prayed to God that my little baby was ok.
When the doctor checked my cervix and it was closed I felt a little reassured that we my little one was ok. But the feeling started fading away as soon as I went back to ultrasound. Joe wasn’t allowed to go back with me and even worse, techs couldn’t tell me anything they saw. I resisted the urge to cry until I knew something was officially said to us. As we waited patiently Joe reassured me that we would make it through this and that he loved me.
We knew something was wrong when the doctor came in and didn’t only close the sliding doors but also the curtain. The look on her face I will never forget as she informed us that there was no heartbeat, the baby had stopped growing and we were in the process of having a miscarriage. The doctor was very sympathetic and very caring but she knew that no matter what she said, my world had just come crashing down.
I had lost family members, I had lost friends and yet nothing compared to the loss I felt when we were miscarrying. My faith in God was rocked, hating my body more than I had before, questioning everything I had ever felt or known. Leaving the hospital knowing nothing will ever be the same again and the process wasn’t over. The next few days were a blurred, our lives were filled with a lot of love and support from friends and family but we still had to face a grim reality. We had to wait and see if my body would go through what it needed to go through or have a procedure known as a D&C.(If you don’t know what this is GOOD. Google helped me find out but I wouldn’t suggest googling). Thankfully I didn’t have to have a D&C, and I tried to resume my life as routine as possible. Our miscarriage had brought us closer, it really showed us that life is to short and to just enjoy the moment were living.