They say the ones who care the most always hurt the most, well isn’t that the truth?! I’ve delt with heartache more then most I believe but everyone goes through their own struggles and I definitely gone through mine. I haven’t given my self the credit I deserve for going through hell and making it back in one piece, or for having my heart broken into millions of pieces and having to put it all back together again.
One thing is for sure. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for the heartache I went through or the long journey it took to get to where I am. I think the majority of my adult life was consumed with trying to find love in all the wrong places. And boy were they the wrong places. Spending time after time with heartbreak after heartbreak on a$$holes after a$$holes was exhausting. I couldn’t find dates in normal places like the bar or on a fancy date set up by friends. No I turned to the one place where I thought rejection would be easier. I quickly downloaded meetme, tinder and finally plenty of fish. It became easier to have conversations with people who yet weren’t quite really in front of me.
Meeting guys online was kind of the new thing now and days so i became part of the trend, meeting my ex on one of those so call “dating apps”. I couldn’t begin to explain the disaster of our relationship that took over three years of my life or maybe the embarrassing fact that I actually was in love with someone like him. One thing was for sure we had a very toxic and not healthy relationship. Even after being told from friends and family that it was a waste of time I couldn’t fathom giving up on someone I thought I was suppose to spend forever with. All the warning signs were there and I choose to ignore themI look back at myself and can’t imagine what was I thinking. Why didn’t I just walk away. I didn’t walk away because I honestly thought that loved him, i genuinely cared about this person. Even after I saw text from other women, and different stories not adding up, I still choose to not walk away.
It wasn’t until I met Joe that I didn’t really know what love truly was, or what it was like to be treated correctly and to be cared for not only emotionally and physically but spiritually. Joe not only showed me what it was like to be loved but what it was like to cared for as a real human being.
I truly didn’t fully understand the toxicity of my past relationship but when I decided to walk away it was finally for the last time. I have grown to love myself even as hard as it is, but also to fight for what you want and learn that I wasn’t someone’s doormat. If I could write to myself 3years ago today. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. We fight the fight. What we thought was going to break us, really doesn’t. We all go through life’s challenges and there is hope.
Know your worth. There is hope. You are loved.